def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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