i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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