My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
