All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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