Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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