he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
