i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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