Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
