I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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