A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
