A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
