oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
