did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
