hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
