that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
