dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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