dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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