Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
