You smell like stripper and shame
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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