He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
