i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
