Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
