what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
