you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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