it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
