No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
