i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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