before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
