I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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