I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
