i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
