im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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