I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Randomize
