the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
