Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you win again, gameday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
