I wannas sexs uuuuu
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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