i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
