I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How naked do you want me to be?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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