Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
