Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
