Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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