Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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