She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
