I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
