Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
