4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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