I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
