I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
