Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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