all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
