The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
