So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
