My sheets look like a crime scene.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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