Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
