Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
