i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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