dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
