Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
