I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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