I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
