I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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