I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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