I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
